It should surprise approximately no one...

...that I'm in counseling again.

I say that as though it's something only messed up people do. But everybody's kinda messed up. Ain't nobody that can't use some counseling. Well, I can, anyway. And I'm a surprisingly tolerable human.

My new therapist is the balls. She's awesome. In three sessions I am in such unfamiliar territory (i.e. my emotions) that I'm having to really honest to vishnu reevaluate how I think about my life and myself. If I was as mean to anybody else as I am to myself I'd be the biggest asshole you ever met. If you were talking to me about traumatic stuff from your childhood and I said, "Everybody had good reasons for doing what they did. It's just how it is. You don't deserve to indulge your feelings of being wronged. Selfish. Your irrational feelings shouldn't be felt. Suck it up, bitch," I probably wouldn't be your friend for very long, right? What if I did it to you for 30 YEARS? Oh yeah. That's the shit. Big, lovely, complicated knots to unwind.

Reading a book called Radical Acceptance. It's kicking my ass. I'm gonna be a Buddhist fruitcake soon, just watch me.